Are you happy?

Its 4am and you have just finished that half a bottle of vodka in your room while watching a Woody Allen movie.
The movie gets over, you make yourself a sandwich wondering why the hell you aren't asleep.
Suddenly a question pops into your mind.. "Am I happy?"

The simplicity and the absurdity of the question astounds you. Yet, it is a question that just won't leave your mind. "Am I Happy?".

You wrestle with the thought for a few minutes. "Why exactly am I asking myself this question? Is it because I am 'not' happy with my life? or is it the Woody Allen movie? or is it the Vodka?!". Whatever the reason is, the question is not exactly direct. What do you mean by "Am I happy"? Is it the overall happiness quotient of your life that you're talking about, or is it your present state of mind that you are questioning?

You walk out and stand at the balcony. The cool monsoon winds feel good. "I think I am quiet happy right now".
But are you? What defines happiness? What do people mean when they say they are Happy?

Suddenly , a wave of "unhappiness" overwhelms your thoughts. You have achieved enough in your life to make most people jealous, yet you are never really right at the top in whatever you do. But, you ask yourself- "does that even matter"? "Does happiness necessarily have to have something to do with materialistic accomplishments? Do I need to do something which appears purposeful in the eyes of the world to be happy?".

Just today, you were reminded by a friend of the upcoming exams. He had told you how tense he was. "Why? Why do these exams matter so much to you?" you had asked him. He was amazed at the audacity of your question. "What do you mean?!!" he exclaimed. "I want to be successful in life!". "But why?". "To be happy in life!". Your supposed increasing boldness and stupidity had by then somewhat irritated him and he had walked off.

The other day you were sitting by the riverside, watching the birds racing each other across the water before sunset. You had sat there for more than 2 hours, and you thought you could never be happier. There was not a thought of the world, or the people in it, in your mind. Yet, there was a strange sense of complete satisfaction. Satisfaction without the feeling of accomplishment!

You broke up with your girlfriend of 3 years last week. Your friend has been trying to console you since then, you don't understand why. Last night you finally snapped at your friend, "Why are you assuming that I am unhappy?!". Shocked, she replies "'cause that's what normally happens to people after break-ups!". But you are not unhappy, why should you be? Yes, you do have feeling of loss, but not unhappiness.

You come back to your room and lie on the bed. You conclude to yourself that you ARE more or less happy. Happy not because of any reason in particular. Just happy.

"Is there something wrong with me?" you think aloud. "I am too happy all the time! Even when I have reasons not to be!".

"I shouldn't have had that damn vodka!"